A Week of Inner Child Work at Easton Mountain
Last May when I was at Easton Mountain for my second annual GBTQ Retreat, I needed some time alone and decided to walk to the cemetery. It is a powerful place as most cemeteries are, but this one is for queer men who want to be a part of Easton Mountain forever, and it holds magic and even joy in the art and sculptures that anchor the grounds. I saw Harry Faddis, a founder of Easton Mountain, tending to a plot. He gave me a tour and shared stories about some of the folks buried there. He also wondered if I would be up for facilitating some workshops at their big summer event, Gay Spirit Camp. I jumped at the chance.
Intro
Gay Spirit Camp is a week-long retreat held every August (Winter Spirit Camp happens in February!) and is one of Easton's oldest and most beloved events. As Harry shared on opening night, the event was created at a time when AIDS was ravaging our community so they needed to create an event, ‘to lift our spirits’. It is a retreat where men get to ‘choose their own adventure’ with a variety of workshops, or time to simply chill by the pool, hike, and rest. There are also a plethora of evening activities such as movie screenings, pub quizzes, talent shows, and dancing. No alcohol involved!
The center is run by some of the wisest men I have met from Harry (founder of The Gay Coaches Alliance), Freddy Freeman, and the founder, John Stasio. I was so happy to spend a week with them, getting to know them better and of course, learning from them. Their patience, humor, and wisdom inspired me daily. There were other coaches, writers, and artists that had been invited to facilitate their own workshops too who I was equally excited to connect with.
Upon arriving, I went to the pool where I immediately found my tribe. There was a group of folks practicing swimming in colorful mermaid fins. HELLO HEAVEN! I met ‘Bear-ial’ (You know like Ariel!) and other amazing folks including Mike, Tenny, and JV. I felt at home, accepted, and appreciated.
Neked
A key part of Easton, it is clothing optional! I have been naked on occasion in public, usually at a sauna, bathhouse, or just very drunk with friends, but to be in a clothing-optional/nudist space was new to me. I spent a fair amount of time naked, from a group hike to pool time and of course on a giant slip-and-slide (which only worked if you were naked). While I didn’t mind being buff, it didn’t really help me feel more free. Also, I was a fashion editor for years so I really do love putting together a look! But it was so joyful to see how others relaxed into it and there was no shaming anyone who did wear clothes/bathing suits. Easton has a very ‘do you’ attitude which I adore.
At the big dance party, when friends encouraged me to go naked, I just replied, ‘Girl, I worked too hard on this outfit for it not to be seen!’ Also, when hiking nude, I desperately missed pockets for my phone, water, and bug spray. I did ask one friend there what draws him to such spaces and he shared that, “I love the feeling of freedom and relaxation that comes with clothing-optional spaces. When everyone’s naked, it just breaks down barriers and makes it easier to form bonds and feel at ease. Plus, who doesn’t love skinny-dipping?!” Amen to that.
Sex
Another aspect of Easton is that it is a very sex-positive retreat and there are erotic workshops and rooms for erotic exploration available throughout the week. This was also new to me and the list of rules shared with us before we arrived (boundaries, consent, kindness) helped me feel more at ease about the situation. Sex and the queer community can be so complex for me. So many of my feelings are clearly from internalized homophobia and tenderly prying myself away from the sticky grasp that a heteronormative society has deemed acceptable and unacceptable. While this isn’t part of the retreats I host with Mike, I can see why this is such an important element of Easton Mountain. Many men come here for connection, not just spiritual but physical. Many of the facilitators and members here are deeply involved in the Body Electric School, another organization founded during the AIDS crisis when sex with other men was deadly. The School offers workshops that support participants in integrating their emotional, sacred, and erotic lives. How beautiful is that?
There were sensual massage workshops and a consensual ‘puppy pile’ where we all laid down together fully clothed and held one another, while Gentle Pup (another new friend I met there) led us through meditation with soothing music pulsating in the background. It was so special and spiritual to just lay with other men and connect with them in such a quiet and comfortable way. Grindr be gone.
Connection
I facilitated two workshops, one on Inner Child Work, and another on Somatic Healing. Both were well attended and I was thankful the work resonated with so many men. While I wasn’t able to attend all of the workshops (including ones on Long Term Relationships, Death, and Personal Healing Journaling), I relished all the connections I made with other men. The age range was 29-82 with men from all walks of life including journalists, engineers, life coaches, artists, and blissful retirees. It’s rare to be in a space that isn’t a bar or giant party with alcohol when I can meet other gay men and learn more about them in a relaxing environment. That was special for me, and what I cherish about all the retreats I have been on from EVRYMAN to my own.
Elders
One high point of Spirit Camp was the amount of older men in attendance. The majority of men were aged 60-80 and it was wonderful to see them thriving in this space and honestly, it was hard to keep up! Many were twirling on the dance floor long after I left. Some evenings I looked out on the deck at everyone socializing and how many of them lost partners and friends to HIV. I spoke to one man who cared for his three best friends in his own home as they all slowly died from AIDS. But despite the trauma and loss they have experienced, their resilience is impressive. I am thankful for a place where I can learn from my gay elders and connect with them deeper.
Reflection
While I was there I was so ‘in it’ I really didn’t think about integration when I got home. Some guys in my small group shared how sad they were that the week was wrapping up, but I didn’t think much about it. Now at home, I too am sad. Living on a queer commune for a week, not looking at a TV, not listening to a podcast, and deleting all of my news emails, was delightful and much needed. Being naked by the pool and wiggling into a mermaid's tail was more sacred than I realized. And the connection with so many men in so many ways just made me happy to be part of this out, loud, and proud community. I love how men like Rod Love would hug me twice, always making sure our hearts touched. I got tickled at Gentle Pup’s little growls of approval when we would see each other. And I lived for the shade that could be thrown with Miss JV most lovingly. Not to mention my intellectual chats with Mike, David, Thomas, and Michael before we would all end up in a fit of giggles.
I also realized how this retreat was such powerful inner child work. Being naked and silly by the pool, screaming with laughter as I slid naked down the slippy slide, and dancing ecstatically with friends on the last night. In my workshop, I shared how we need to nurture our inner child who may have been bullied or hurt when we were growing up. They need a place to play and heal so that our adult self can live more authentically. This happened here for me and many others. (If you are curious to learn more about the power of Inner Child work, please reach out!)
Retreat centers like this are needed. As a coach and an attendee, I see the value of this space, and from what I know there aren’t many queer spaces like this in the US. I hope more queer men discover it, attend, donate their time, and lean into the homowonderful world that is Easton Mountain.
